fuck you.

ok la im just gonna pour everything out here.

I have no friends. but i dont mean it literally. its just that no one ever asks me out now. and to sit back here at home and look at my 'friends' uploading a picture of them all happy and shit but did not even invite me, man that shit hurts. like, i thought we were friends la kan. dulu kemain la ajak sini sana and i am always fucking there for every fucking one of you assholes. the least you can do is remember me la. first of all, i know im kinda broke now and yall rich as fuck now but that does not mean you can leave me behind. I get it im no fun and shit but man, this is top cruel.

can you just imagine every day im here holding my phone just waiting for someone, somebody to text me or whatsapp me or call me. atleast just asking how im doing if you cant even take me out for some good bonding time. but no. no one. literally. and it hurts knowing that they are out there having fun when im stuck here.

Oh bullshit, dont tell me im sombong or jual mahal. because you know what? I tried so many times to text them, being nice and asking them out but all i get is some shitty attitude. kadang2 tak boleh keluar, takde masa, busy, takde kereta, takde duit, all kinds of excuses. ok i understand. but when you do have all that, you couldnt have a care in the world to tell me or asking me whats up or anything. nothing. geezzzzzz. what an attitude yall have. not even a text. tengok korg keluar sini sana semua seronok je. it hurts bad because we used to be so close. i never thought yall would change pastu pulau aku macam ni. so mean.

yall are fucking assholes k.

ok lagi satu, bila aku ajak kau jumpa crush aku ke kawan laki aku ke, i dont mind at all if korg nak berkawan or anything. but it really hurts my feelings if you guys suddenly go out without even telling me. like, i introduced you guys okay? I dont steal your friends away so why should you.  its like you are trying so hard to make all my friends leave. literally ko bayangkan, aku kenal kan kau dengan dia, pastu skrg dia langsung tak contact aku tengok2 korg dah lepak sekali apa semua. thats cruel okay. then bila aku jumpa dia, he keeps telling me how awesome you are and why dont i ask you to lepak skali... like how do you even... kenapa do? bila korg lepak tak ajak aku, kenapa bila kita lepak kena ajak kau? oh

yea. oh.
aku tak cukup 'cool' or 'awesome' or 'lawa' but at least i have a heart okay. if you ever needed help im always there lending a hand but the fact that you kinda backstabbed me, makes me believe i dont have any friends. oh come on, bila kau lepak dgn memembe aku, aku tak pernah nak tanya pun diorg. aku faham sebab kau lg best. tp agak2 ah do. not even once asking me out anymore. tak macam dulu la korg.

dont ever question why my tweets are always sad when yall know exactly why. really, really mean. aku takkan pernah la buat korg macam korg buat kat aku. but yeah, yall happy now. happy bagus lah, gi mampos dengan happy korg. puas dah hati? this is exactly what you want, to see me rock bottom, you got it now. thanks kawan.

Bipolar isnt good

Lately I've been hard to reach. I've been too long on my own. --

Fxckin depressed. 

I want to be left alone, but I don't want to feel lonely.

My life in one word -- Complicated.

BECAUSE I'M NOT FINE. 

See what it's like to be me. I'll be you, let's trade shoes. 

Just to see what it'd be like to feel your pain, you feel mine.

Remember you and me? We used to be inseparable.

I need to change my appearence. Need to work on my studies. Need to lose weight. Need to be pretty.

All in good time. --

These are all in my Radar

A lover like these Culkins

A relationship like Sid and Nancy

Top it all off, here's some intro to my baby Culkins.

THE FORCE IS SO STRONG WITH RORY CULKIN---

Love,

the complicated one.

Im scared

Haha what a title. I dont usually make entry every now and then but I feel like I have to this time. Today, 12:07 01/10/12.

I was sick yesterday. Not really sick but I had this bad sore throat. I woke up like usual at about 10am. I had this headache, mcm berdengung inside my head. I watched a ghost movie, The Ring. You know, Samara Morgan? this girl ->

Yes I watched this movie. It was quite scary then my headache is like, getting worst. I cant even walk straight. So I slept. I slept at 1.35pm and it felt like a long, good sleep. when I woke up its actually only 3.40. You see, I usually sleep for 4-5 hours in the evening but this 2 hour sleep feel so different. I remember I dreamt about Samara and that girl from The Grudge. dayumm. Then when I woke up, I lie in my bed for 1 hour.. looking around. I cant do anything since my headache is like killing me. I got out of my bed, bathed and nothing weird is happening. 

That night I got tucked in bed at 11.45pm or something like that. I didnt feel anything. So I fell asleep. This morning I didnt go to school, since I have no voice because of my sore throat. Its about 12pm when my brother's fiance sat beside me, I was onlining. (She slept here yesterday, though when I fell asleep she didnt enter my room yet) She then asked me, "Najwa demam ke?" and I said "yeah". Then she said something that really set my goosebumps up "Semalam ada benda sebelah Najwa" hah? Apa? ada benda? what? I asked her "Benda? benda apa?" "Semalam Kak Nana bukak lampu Najwa sedar tak?" "Tak, kenapa?" Muka dia berkerut.. Aku takut lah kan, dia sambung->

"Semalam ada benda sebelah Najwa. Kak Nana masuk bilik dalam pukul 1.50am mcmtu. Kak Nana tidur la, lpstu tak tau pukul berapa, ada org tolak pintu. Kak nana sedar tp ngantuk sgt so tak dpt bukak mata. Kak Nana sedar dia jalan depan Kak Nana, igt ibu ke apa dia tgk2 ke Kak Nana buat taktau la. Then dia keluar. Lepas dia keluar Kak Nana kena tindih. Nak baca doa mcm2 tp ayat Kursi tak boleh nak baca, lepas dia bangun tu, Kak Nana menghadap Najwa, Kak Nana tgk Najwa dlm selimut, tp mcm gerak2, bergoyang2 Kak Nana igt Najwa pulak kena tindih, Kak Nana nak panggil la, tnya Najwa okay tak. belum sempat panggil lg Kak Nana nmpak dia, Najwa tidur pandang atas, dia sebelah Najwa (bilik agak terang sebab cahaya bulan) pandang Kak Nana. Baju panjang putih je, rambut panjang, mata hitam senyum yg mcm nak buat kita annoyed dengan dia. dalam hati Kak Nana, Ya Allah, Jahatnya kamu! Kak Nana nak panggil Najwa, terus dia keluar dari bilik. Kak Nana bukak lampu, tgk Najwa tidur okay je. Kak Nana terus keluar bilik nangis kat Along"

Fuhh man, by this time, aku menggigil gila. dgn bulu roma aku naik.. Benda tu sebelah aku wei! BESIDE ME LITERALLY. AAAAAAAAA. Cane nak tidur malam ni? takut sia.

I IZ SCARED LIKE, TO THE MAX.

Xoxo

10 things i hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Tutup buku lama, Buka buku baru :)

Hai reader and stalkers!okay skrg ni aku malas nak update. update main events je okay. LOL padahal aku taktau nak update aku, otak cetek mcm ni lah. okay now back to topic. Tertanya mana Fiq? entah, tak diketahui. yg pasti, dia bukan lagi hak milik aku or bawah jagaan aku lah kononnya cite die skrg ni. eh lari topic lagi. HAHA.

Okay. yg atas tu, gmbr comel2 tu, haha nama dia Fikri, Yei Yei, tp aku panggil dia Posner. okay, kami kenal kat twitter. dia follow aku, aku accept tapi aku malas follow balik. then dia mention aku ''cantik gmbr'' so aku pon terpaksa la follow dngn muka sombong nya reply mention dia. dah sembang2dia mintak fb. so aku pon bg lah chat dekat situ pulak. haha comel je dia ni, LOL. then dpt no. txting2 semua. tp masa ni takde hati pon. just mc kwn biasa je. dia tau psl aku dngn TS, aku pon tau psl dia dngn ex dia, sama2 sayang yg ex2 ni. then entah mcm mana 2-3 hari lps txt mcm omg dia ni sayang nya aku dkt dia haha, serious bodoh. msg pon dah mcm couple. tp tak pon la. then 31 oct, pkul 10 lebih. txting dia ckp pkul 12 call sbb dia takde credit. dia nak ckp something and dia nak study. aku pon okay je la. pkul 12 aku call dia. tp dia mcm menggelabah. aku diam aje lah. ''err aduh cmne nak ckp ni'' haha '' err, will you be my valentine?'' OMG aku terus diam, aku gelak sbb taktau nak ckp, mmg niat nak accpet tp aku pulak menggelabah sbb first time rg mintak couple OTP kan. aku pon ckp okay. haha awww :'> Then sembang punya sembang, aku tnya lah cmne dia tbe2 mcm terdetik nak ckp cmni? then dia cerita la, dia sayang ex dia tp cmne kalau hati dia dah dicuri oleh org lain? kalau kite sayang org yg pertama, kita takkan pergi ke org kedua. haha aku percaya sbb Johnny Depp pernah kata ''If you love two person at one time, choose the second one. because if you love the first one you wouldnt fall for the second one'' haha okay *senyum lebar*

Memang, dengan dia aku rasa sngt special. Rasa mcm aku ni dihargai, mcm aku ni penting. sebelum couple pon dah rapat semacam je. dia ponletak DP dia gmbr aku.First day txt, mlm tu supersavers. then 3 hari berturut2 otp dngn dia, dia suka nyanyi untuk aku. dia panggil aku Mei Mei :D haha then ada satu lagu ni lagu Benny Benassi Skrillex remix-Cinema dlm lagu tu ade lyrics ckp ''You are my cinema, i could watch you forever," then dia ltk vid lagu tu kat fb dia, dia tulis caption ''You are my cinema, i could watch you forever wawa Mohammad" ok masa tu terharu la tp aku jual mahal buat bodoh sikit kan :D haha bg aku dia ni comel sngt sbb dia mcm nerd dikit. ok, ni first time lah kiranya dpt bf yg mcm ni, yang baik, yg menggelabah bila jumpe perempuan. aku rasa aku lagi ganas dari dia pulak. haha. bukan mcm ex2 aku kebanyakkan nye semua nak tunjuk gengster #getikokay!

Hey Posner, I love you :')

I was really excited to write a really long, original post that would be an explosion of creativity and literary art.

And then I realized that it required thinking.

but anyways thingking's a good thing? aight? well. i'll not be posting much here nowdays im busy to schools and tuisyens (pffffft)

i love my boyfriend lotssssssssssssssss hehe saje gedik muah

….. Bye.

2010-2011

time ni balik kampung abah kat yan kedah, lepas kenduri rumak chuk, g jalan2. gmbr ni kat pantai merdeka, mak aku n adik aku. aku tak ingt bulan berapa

ni kat polo. memorable :) lepas hbis skolah kami sume gatal pepek rindu masing2, pg la jmpe kat polo. aku effa ngn anis smpai dulu, diorg tmpang aku. kitorg jalan2 la kat polo ni cmm2 kitorg buat time tnggu tasa ngn syira. dlm kul 5 bru depe smpai. aku ingt lg, kat pentas tu ade rmai budak main skate board, tp skate ni pelik sikit, susa nak ckp. haha. tasa selamba je pnggil budak cine wei nak try, kitorg mcm haram tak dpt2 main bnde alah tu. ahha biarkan je la. aku balik tmpang anis. hm rindu

ni anis kecik. akhir tahun jugak, dia tido ruma aku time ni. 3 hari dua malam. hahaa first dia tido mlm tu kami mcm org gila dlm bilik gelak2 sumpah tak seda ape kami buat. den esok nya mcm biasa onl je upload segala gambar yg ada. den ptg tu dia dah siap2 untuk balik. skali mak dia tak jd amik, suruh tido lg satu mlm. dia pon tido la. kamu biasala kul 3 baru tido. hahaha esok aku baru bngun tido dia dah balik. haha best doe :)

ni awal tahun. family aku pelik, time cuti akhir thun 2009 tak ccute kemana2. tibe2 masuk je bulan 1, tiap hujung minggu pergi bercuti ngn czin pling rapat, family nabil. aku ingt lg sbtu aku ade skolah, balik skolah tu tak smpat pe terus mndi ape sume shoot kuala sepetang. gila ah kitorg bercuti time tu makan je tau. haha.

ni sume budak2 nueva, depe buat gathering. aku pon pegi jela. sume lawa2 beb akuje corot kat situ. haha ni jugak la first time aku jumpe kiela, aku sayang dia :D

ni plak aku rase cik nurul dah nak pndah, dia praktikal je, best teacher ever kan sporting gila. so kami pon buat la photo kenangan. muka aku like haram

ni dah akhir2 skolah. kami mcm org gila kot merayau sini sana tngkap gmbr. aku jngn ckp ah kat skolah aku mmg sakai, jngn ckp. ahahha rindu weh skolah. nak masuk. tp tanak belajar. terpaksa thun ni aku kene blaja kuat2. aku dah nak PMR. 8a, insyaallah :')

anis n boy, soulmate aku, tak penah dpt kawan baik sebaik2 dunia mcm diorg. aku syg diorg gila2 walaupon boy ni mcm gampang sikit. takpe, tak kesah. time ni aku bru lepas tido ruma anis kat sg.siput. wa ckp sama lu, mmg besar ah rumah dia kan. biasala, org kaya. ahaha so ni balik ipoh terus lepak dataran ngn boy ni ha. mcm2 kitorg buat. mmg lawak la.

ini digi tour ipoh kat dataran 17 julai. best sngt sbb birthday aku n pg holiday kat langkawi. so mase digi tour ni aku pg ngn deme ni ha la. lepak mcm2 tmpat tp ulang alik tmpat sama. aku tak dpt tngok konsert malam. kesian aku :(

time ni open house kat skolah. tu yg pkai bju kurung tu. diorg buat event, bwk anak2 yatim. so sume kene ade 'adik-adik' sendiri. aku pnye cabutan bertuah, abdul razak. first jmpe dia, dia malu2 ngn aku ttup muka. lama2 dia okay, dia main2 ngn aku. aku sayang kat dia walaupon jmpe sekejap. yela dia anak yatim, aku simpati kot. den ade la satu sesi tngkap gmbr kat atas pentas rmai2. anak2 yatim sume dok depan, dia ni dok ikot bontot aku. aku suruh la dia kedepan, dia ckp 'taknak, nak dngn kakak' aku terharu gila kot, time nak balik aku tersedu2 tngok dia, aku bg jam aku kat dia. dia kate dia akan ingt aku n simpan jam tu, sedih nye aku tuhan je tahu :') lepas tu aku ngn effa gerak jj. lepak2. time ni la first time aku jmpe fiq. hee so sweet. first terserempak ngn dia. tp aku tak cam. dia senyum, aku senyum la. den second time kat rooftop, dia tego aku 'hai' ahaha lawak lah bie. den dia bela. mlm tu aku IM 'sombong' den kami sembang2 smpai la couple

ni open house kat ruma opah tasa,anis je tade, effa dating tanak tngkap gmbr. so kami berempat la. aku dtg lmbt, tak dpt makan. HAHAHA.

ni gathering xera. kat lostworld ngn effa, anis, sabillah, mirza n budak2 monster. mcm kami buat. ade monster kami tak lah bosan sngt, main2 mcm2. hahaha best gila la.

ni chinese new year bercuti kat my fave place, batu feringghi. hihi best la tima ni satu family ada plus family nabel. sumpah best. pg rock shop, lepak pntai tngah malam. haha mcm2 la. best sngt rinduu.

oke harini aku emosi sngt. aku berat hati nak msuk new year aku taktau la kenapa. rasa mcm nak ngis sbb bnyk kenangan aku pernah lalui. plus bile baca blog memb2 yg tulis psl bnde2 dah buat dlm 2010 ni, wah lg imbas memori aku, sumpah sedih bile tak dpt putarkan masa balik. sedih sngt. takpelah, kenangan tetap kenangan. kenangan sume ni aku akan simpan dlm peti hati aku selamanya :')